Sparring is NOT...

Although many martial artists spar within their school/gym, there is a great deal of hesitation when it comes to the idea of sparring with people you don't know (stranger danger!). This is partly due to common misconceptions about sparring. Let's make a few things clear: 

What is Sparring?

Once you are in a fight, you have no choice. It's you or your opponent. Your only goal is to be the person walking away and your entire focus should be on getting rid of your opponent as quickly and effectively as possible.  The longer it takes, the more chances your opponent gets to harm you. While fighting is about eliminating a threat, sparring is about self-discovery.  You spar to test and develop your skills against an unpredictable, uncooperative opponent.  

If you want to become an effective fighter, in addition to training at your school/gym you need to get as much experience as possible dealing with someone who won't "play the same game" as you. If you aren’t looking to go into professional fighting or picking fights on the street (not recommended), sparring allows you to test and hone your skills in an environment similar to real fighting. Unlike a fight, the primary function of sparring is to experiment and deepen your understanding of how to adapt and apply your fighting system. 

Although there is inherent danger in sparring, your partner's intent isn't (or at least it shouldn't be) to hurt you. You should not be preoccupied with "winning".  The best way to approach sparring is to leave your ego at home.  Your main goal should be to learn, not to beat the $#!% out of your opponent. Of course you want to feel successful and victorious. However, if you approach sparring as a fight that you have to win, then you will likely only try things that you are already comfortable with.  Instead, forget about "winning" or what others think and treat each match as an experiment.  You may fail at times, but you will become a better fighter in the long run. 

No Risk. No Reward.

There is definitely risk involved with sparring. Communication is the key to maintaining a productive, respectful environment. You can go as light or heavy as you and your partner feel comfortable. Productive sparring gives both partners an opportunity to assess and refine their stronger and weaker qualities. 

These are "Martial" Arts.

Many martial artists say things like "I train martial arts so that I don't have to fight." At the heart of this sentiment is the very noble idea that training martial arts helps you to develop humility, discipline, patience, and an appreciation for the potential impact of violence on other people. Developing such sound character compels you to avoid unecessary conflict. The problem arrives when people warp this sentiment to mean that there is no need to test and refine the practical application of your skills under realistic conditions. Despite the many benefits of training, these are "martial" arts. "Martial" means "pertaining to combat". Sometimes, despite all of your efforts, conflict is unavoidable. Once the fight starts, it's too late to work on timing, distance, agility, adaptability, etc. After establishing a foundation, engaging in respectful sparring sessions with other trained martial artists is a great way to supplement your training and assess your grasp of applying and adapting your art.

What Would Beatrix Kiddo (aka "Black Mamba" from Kill Bill) Do?

There are those who believe "My techniques are too deadly to use in sparring." Frankly, that's nonsense. Sure, you can't go around breaking bones and chopping sparring partners in the throat. But in order to do those "deadly" techniques, you have to be able to manage the proper timing, distance, angling, and leverage against an uncooperative opponent. Yes, there are limits to sparring. Yes, sometimes you will get hit by someone because you were caught up resisting your instinct to initiate the 5-finger exploding heart punch. In reality, most fights don't require you to go Kill Bill on your opponent. Sparring is not about proving anything to anyone...except yourself. If you know that at a particular moment the result would have been different had the proverbial gloves been off, then that's all that matters. Keep in mind though, that your sparring partner is operating under the same constraints. So you may have gotten a few lucky breaks as well.

The Difference Between Light, Medium, and Full Contact

Clear communication is crucial to a productive sparring experience. Before sparring, you and your partner should agree on the level of force or "contact" you will use. The first thing to keep in mind is that regardless of what level of contact you decide on, you should always respond to your opponent as though it is full contact. Those familiar with firearms are familiar with the rule "always treat a gun as though it is loaded". The same applies here. Level of force is a completely subjective concept. What is medium contact to you may be considered light contact to someone else. Always protect yourself.

Light Contact - Typically in light contact, partners agree to use minimal force (again, this is totally subjective). Certain areas and types of strikes may be considered off limits. For instance, you may agree to no elbow strikes or even no strikes to the head. Light contact sparring is useful for "feeling out" the proper distance and timing for applying your techniques and honing your footwork. Also, typically in light sparring you let up on your opponent when you feel they are overwhelmed.

Medium Contact - This is probably the most productive type of sparring. In medium contact sparring, you attack with intensity but hold back some of your power. To really become a solid fighter, you need to get over the fear of getting hit. The pressure of someone really attacking (but holding) gives you a real sense of urgency and danger.  In medium contact sparring, you get hit hard enough to know that you just made a mistake without taking the full brunt of your opponent's power. Rules and limitations should still be discussed as well, of course.

Full/Heavy Contact - Full contact sparring is the most dangerous. Essentially, this is as close as you can get to real fighting. This type of sparring is a good way to test your skills under the same intense pressure you will encounter in a fight while having the comfort of protective gear and the understanding that your opponent is not really trying to kill you.

Keep in mind that you are choosing to spar and that you can change your mind at anytime. If you become injured, need a break, or want to bail out of a match, always make sure that you are far away and your opponent acknowledges that the match is over before you let your guard down. Sparring is not fighting. You are there to hone your skills. If you feel that a sparring partner is unsuitable (too much power, too weak, no control, too aggressive, etc.), you should communicate your concerns or even stop the match completely. Your number one goal is to protect yourself. Other than deciding what kind of "contact" to use, you should also clearly discuss with your partner any other rules and/or limitations you wish to set: take-downs and submissions, use of elbows and knees, number and length of rounds, etc.